Everyone remembers their first love, it was an exciting time in your life. The thrill of dating and the rush of all the “lovey dovey” emotions. Dwelling in the concept of “true love” and “forever & always” But, unfortunately it usually all comes to a complete stop. The breaks kick in and they kick in hard. Because… about 99% of the time, love is blind and we as humans usually try to ignore all the red flags. That was my first mistake. “Tell me about her, she asked.” “About who?” “Your first love of course.” “She laughed while sitting up, waiting for him to elaborate on the subject.” A lot of people that are dating someone new don’t know how to handle this question. They get all nervous and say “that was in the past so, I left it there” OR “I don’t even remember she means nothing to me.” If a boy ever says that to you run… run for the hills. That was my second mistake, I didn’t. I let all my feelings and hurt fester (brushed my hands off and pushed it aside) kept telling myself “OH, it will get better.”But, sadly I let it eat me alive inside.If you “truly” loved someone at a point in your life. They will always mean sometimes to you. Usually… at least from my personal experience within the whole “dating” and “living together” experiences I’ve had. If the boy that you are dating can’t be open with you about their past relationships or don’t want to talk about it. Keep pushing it aside, changing the subject or still have anger and resentment towards it and make up lies so their “ex” looks bad. Simple means he hasn’t let go and doesn’t know how to deal with all those mixed feelings. He hasn’t fully healed yet. Relationships are hard and usually always messy. Ever hear of a clean breakup…? That’s funny because I haven’t either. It takes a LONG time to heal and get over relationships. I have never, ever understood how people get over them so fast. The truth is… they don’t. They never do. They’re just super good at hiding their emotions and bottling them up inside and waiting for the next item or “girl” to come along. BOOM! Weird… they’re suddenly happy again and everything feels right. While, your sitting in a dark room, sobbing asking yourself “why” “how could he do this to me” or “I thought he loved me” The truth is… he didn’t love you. He never did. Because, if he did he never would of made you or your heart hurt and ache like this. Never put happiness in an item or person, they will never fulfill you they way you need to be fulfilled. You need to create your OWN happiness, own it and be in control of it. Love hurts and it usually always hurts until you find the right person. I haven’t found the right person yet. It’s that simple… but is it? Who will love me, with all my broken pieces? Am I too emotional for him to handle? I am just unworthy of love… it’s me, I’m clearly the problem. I’m just too much to handle. What’s wrong with me? Can anyone relate? Well that’s my thinking process. Sometimes, I feel like my brain never stops. I keep running around this track going a thousand miles per hour and never having stability. But, the storm always has a ending and calms down eventually. “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a ringing brass gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and I know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I parcel out all my possessions, and if I hand over my body in order that I will be burned, but do not have love, it benefits me nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13. I can’t tell you how many times that I have read that verse. It speaks so much truth into my life. I am personally going through a breakup and I am still in the healing process. I know I am strong and so is my heart and one day I will look back and say… “Wow, that feels like forever ago” “Now, I’m all healed and I have no scars left.” I know most people can’t say that… people need to except what life throws at them. Try to deal with the issues the best they can, move on and grow… KEEP growing!! Stop asking the “why’s” and “how’s” and just wrap your head around that fact that it actually happened. You need to have solid, deep, rooted roots before you can grow your beautiful branches. The truth is, if someone makes you feel like it’s your fault or there is something wrong with you. There is clearly something wrong with them, they have internal issues. They don’t want to deal with there feelings so, they turn it into mind games. They put you down instead of lifting you up. If you know you didn’t do anything wrong. Trust in that and know you are SO worthy of love and to be loved my the right person. Don’t search of love. Love will eventually come to you, when your ready. “Please have mercy on my heart, she said sweetly.” That was my third mistake, I didn’t pray for mercy and protection over my heart. I just recently lost my first love and it came with a big crash. Seek direction and pray for peace… “you drown my fears in perfect love.” Love is a funny thing. Don’t look back… keep on moving forward. Always.
Just some parts out of my life that I choose to share with you. 